Court news and analysis

I’m not a cheerleader for happy news. Really, I’m not. After all, what is news for if not to depress us?

But I do get tired of commenting on the same sorts of things over and over again. But I know you all count on me to ask tough questions and analyze court events, so I’m not going to stop.

What I am going to do — just for this week — is consider events in courts not usually covered here.

The Pickleball Court Pun-Off. The town of Brentwood, Tennessee has been rocked with controversy over whether to build a new pickleball facility. The result has been an ugly pun arms race in local media.

From the Williamson County Source: “The back-and-forth volleys between the opposing factions have been something like the famous 2010 Wimbledon tennis match between John Isner and Nicholas Mahut, long and drawn out. That match lasted 11 hours and five minutes. This one has been going for about two years.”

So those two things are alike?

(Side note: Is the Isner/Mahut match famous? I had to look it up. It’s real but Mahut’s first name is Nicolas. Fame is fleeting.)

(Another side note: Toward the end of the story we learn that the new courts “could also remove three holes from the Crockett Park Disc Golf Course.” Fiscal priorities are tough everywhere.)

From NewsChannel5: ”It’s an issue that’s gotten wrapped up in cross-court political red tape …

“The volley continues with no decision …”

From The Tennessean: “The ball is in their court.”

Courting. Birth rates are down worldwide. Church groups and conservatives are concerned. Liberals are less worried but they need more numbers (i.e. kids) to get back in power.

What to do?

Become more interesting.

An article in National Catholic Register completely missed the solution by waiting until the very end to offer this quote from a frustrated single woman: “I can’t just meet a Catholic guy. I have to meet a Catholic guy who is interesting and who is interested in me.”

We need to be less boring. Try reading a book.

Court storming. This isn’t just a problem for courts without roofs. I don’t know why, but basketball courts have become vulnerable to storms.

It’s happening all around the country. A home team shocks its fans by actually winning a game and the crowd decides to invade the court because …. well, I have no idea why. It might have something to do with fans making sure what they saw wasn’t a dream or mirage.

The problem is that losing players can get hurt (or at least more depressed) and some college conferences impose fines on the schools for court storming.

For some reason, no one has suggested fences or those barriers at hockey games.

I have a better solution — free ice cream out in the hallway for the winning crowd. Or maybe a treasure hunt in the parking lot.

You need a proper distraction.

Storm The Court, the thoroughbred stallion, by the way, won the Breeders’ Cup Juvenile in 2019 and then never won again in his next 26 races.

Fame is fleeting.