You must remember this

Apparently a kiss is not just a kiss.

(Side note: This is an old person’s reference. If you need an explanation, check this out.)

The United States Court of Appeals for the Armed Forces has upheld a ruling that an Army lieutenant colonel who was close to retirement should be reprimanded for kissing a woman who was not a stripper.

OK, it didn’t exactly say that, but that’s what it amounted to. According to the ruling, the defendant was at a bar celebrating his impending retirement when he asked a woman there what she did for a living. She said she was a stripper. You know, the sort of thing women say at a bar.

The Army guy then told the alleged stripper that he was an officer. The woman then admitted she wasn’t a stripper — just “an enlisted sailor in training.”

Fast forward to the defendant, his friends, and the non-stripper at another bar where a “professional photographer” took a picture of the officer and the sailor kissing.

At this point, there’s a serious gap in the narrative provided in the appellate ruling. The next thing we know, there’s a criminal (!) proceeding followed by a decision of the U.S. Army Court of Criminal Appeals and then this ruling by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Armed Forces — in a kiss cam case.

Never let it be said that military justice isn’t thorough.

The charge that was upheld was engaging “in conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman, to wit: while knowing that Seaman Recruit J.T. was a junior enlisted trainee and a woman who was not his wife, he kissed her cheek and lips.”

If the recruit had been a stripper, there wouldn’t have been a charge.

(Note: the defendant was exonerated of cheek kissing but not lip kissing.)

The conviction came about even though the seaman recruit testified that there was “no tongue involved, not a makeout session.”

Good to know.

Have you noticed the gap in the story?

How the heck did this guy get charged? Did someone rush into the bar to make an arrest? Were there undercover military police there checking on officer kisses? Did one of the defendant’s buddies snitch? Did the professional photographer turn him in after his blackmail demands were ignored?

My guess is someone posted the picture on social media. The internet is to blame for almost everything.

In case you’re wondering, the punishment by the military for this guy who was about to retire was a reprimand, but no other action or sentencing.

His wife is probably taking care of the rest of the punishment.

Lesson for other military officers: make sure the strippers you meet are who they say they are.

**                                NOSTALGIA ****

I don’t know about you but I miss the days of “Jane, you ignorant slut.”  We could call each other names and then go home and not worry about it.

Sigh.

**** AUTISM ****

The president of the United States has a “feeling” that Tylenol and vaccines caused an epidemic of autism.

People who study or practice medicine say we find more autism now because we’ve been testing for it.

No need to take sides because there’s an obvious solution: stop testing. All that autism will disappear.

Problem solved.